So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize