Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
