Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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