Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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