Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
