My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Buhtt sex?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
