he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
