Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
