no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Alive.
So much puke
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
