I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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