I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize