Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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