The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
