i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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