having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
