either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize