So gin and wine won't be happening again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
