Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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