we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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