I am in a vortex of obligation.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
