Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
