Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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