new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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