I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
