And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
