hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
