Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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