His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
