Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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