You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
