I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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