...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
