She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
