i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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