I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
