It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
