TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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