Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
