somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize