dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
