is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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