At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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