i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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