good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
