none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
