Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
