you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
