Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
