And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
