Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
