He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
