Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
