Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
