That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
