someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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