The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
