Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
