it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize