I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
