i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
