cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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