I think I won the penis lottery.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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