Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
